Random Musings

Give Me One Good Reason

2009-10-10T17:05:00.003-04:00

“There’s a reason for everything.”

How many times have you heard that or said it yourself? It seems when life takes an unfortunate turn, the belief that there’s a reason for it brings some measure of comfort. In retrospect, I can see how this philosophy can be true. I think about all the adversity I’ve faced in my life and how, in one way or another, it has led me to where I am now. Not such a bad way of looking at things. I’m happily married, healthy, and have a great family and great friends.

Where this type of thinking has a tragic flaw is when horrible things don’t lead to something better eventually. They end horrifically, violently, and without any plausible reason for them to occur.

I am considering becoming a foster parent. In order for me to see what I might be getting myself into, I looked into cases of child abuse and/or neglect. After doing a little bit of research, I have come to realize that sometimes there isn’t a reason for everything. Instead, some of the cases I’ve read about not only challenge that mentality, but they also make me question the existence of an omnipotent being.

Consider the case of little Brianna Lopez.

Brianna was a 5 month old baby living in New Mexico in a trailer shared by her parents, grandmother, three uncles and an 18 month old brother.

One day, her father and uncle bought three cases of beer. Brianna’s mother stated she drank three beers and fell asleep. Her father and uncle continued drinking through the night. At some point in their drunken stupor, they thought it might be fun to play with Brianna. They proceeded to throw her up in the air. Not so horrible, is it? I’ve seen plenty of parents do this with their kids. Only her father and uncle threw her several times so high that she hit the ceiling. To add to that, they forgot to catch her a few times. Who knows how long this went on, but later in the evening, her father woke up after blacking out and saw that she was on the floor beside him. He then put her in a bouncer.

In the morning, Brianna’s mother noticed bruises on her. She asked her husband what happened to her and he admitted that he and his brother-in-law played a little “rough” with her. Soon after, Brianna needed a diaper change. Her father changed her diaper and while doing so, felt the need to place a baby wipe over his finger and stick it up her rectum.

Several hours later, Brianna stopped breathing and 911 was called. Little Brianna was pronounced dead shortly after arriving at the hospital. Autopsy and a subsequent investigation revealed that Brianna had been abused most of her short life. She had several healing fractures, three fresh skull fractures, both legs broken, a broken arm, two broken ribs, bruises from head to toe, a brain bleed, internal bleeding, evidence of shaken baby syndrome, a rectum that was stretched to an inch in diameter and nearly a dozen human bite marks. She had also been raped by both her father and uncle.

Not only did Brianna’s mother know of the abuse, she inflicted some of the bites. Her grandmother and another uncle also knew of the abuse and stood by idly while Brianna was being tortured. All four adults are serving prison sentences. Another uncle, who was 8 years old and her older brother were removed from the home by Child Protective Services. A search of the home turned up not one single photo of Brianna. The only known photos of her were the ones taken during her autopsy.

After reading about Brianna, I really started to think about what could be the reason for why this happened. I can’t think of one reason why that baby had to suffer at the hands of the people who were supposed to keep her safe. It makes me doubt the existence of God. Too often, I see that the “reason” for why bad things happen is because God gave man free will. And you know what? That explanation is just not good enough for me. It could be argued that I am questioning the actions of God. And I am. Or perhaps the inaction of God. How can God, or any deity or divine being, stand by idly like Brianna’s grandmother and uncle did? What sense can be made of Brianna’s death? What reason could possibly justify her abuse? I can’t for the life of me think of one good reason. Hell, I can’t even think of one half assed reason. What good can possibly come from this? Brianna’s story is hardly unique. I came across many other cases just as horrifying.

Everything happens for a reason?

I just don’t buy it anymore.

Here is a news segment about Brianna. Fair warning - it is extremely difficult to watch, but watch it anyway. As much as it may disturb you, keep in mind that this little baby girl lived that reality.

Family Tree

2009-09-04T16:06:00.001-04:00

I'm working on a family tree of both Danny's and my families, so if you are from the Borrero/Sabio/Gaviola clans or the Smith/Hayes clans, check out this site and send me any info/corrections/updates/pics. Thanks! http://www.myheritage.com/FP/family-tree.php?s=69572301

2009-08-31T09:15:00.000-04:00

Another reason why I hate Republicans

2009-08-12T12:58:00.007-04:00

My father-in-law just expressed his concerns about the health care reform bill encouraging euthanasia. Ever the skeptic, I looked into it and wonder... When will the Republicans learn to GTF over it?! And in particular, Sarah Palin. It will be interesting to see if she can keep her idiotic conspiracy theories to herself long enough to be seriously considered for the Republican nomination in 2012. As much as I would LOVE a woman in the White House, I don't want it to be her.

I read the section in question in which euthanasia is "proposed." The claims made by Palin and her fellow conservatives are really a stretch. So now, Advance Directives and Living Wills are part of the euthanasia movement? Gimme a break! Every time I go to the ER, or go to the hospital for testing, I am given information on Advance Directives. Does that mean the hospital advocates euthanasia? Of course not!

Living Wills and Advance Directives make it very clear to a person's family and caregivers what they wish to happen in the event he/she is incapacitated by illness or injury. This is something EVERYONE should do.

I guess the GOP forgot about the 2003 report by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, which had recommended and gave detailed guidelines for practitioners for Advance Care Planning. The agency is a FEDERAL agency. This was back in 2003. You know, when W. was in office. Now that Obama is in office, it's called euthanasia?

I could go on forever about this issue, but someone has done a better job of picking apart the lies that the GOP are spreading to create fear in the minds of the sick and elderly. Great post here: Obama wants to kill your grandma

Quote of the Day

2009-08-05T13:12:00.002-04:00

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

Sidney Harris

Infertility for Dummies: The YouTube Version

2009-08-05T11:58:00.002-04:00

This video explains it all for the uninitiated.

A Primer on Soy Isoflavones

2009-08-05T10:19:00.002-04:00

I've recently stumbled across soy isoflavones while browsing through infertility websites and forums. I did a little research and here is what I've come up with.

Soy isoflavones are being touted as the natural Clomid. For anyone who is unfamiliar with Clomid, it is usually a first line drug used in the treatment of infertility, specifically ovulatory disorders. The way it works is by tricking your body into thinking your estrogen levels are low. In response, the pituitary gland secretes FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) which in turn stimulates the ovaries to produce follicles which (hopefully) will result in mature, healthy eggs.

Soy isoflavones contain phytoestrogens, which act in the same way as Clomid. You take it in the same manner as Clomid, for 5 days at the beginning of your cycle. The starting dose varies, I've seen 80 mg as a common dose. The most common side effect mentioned is headache.

I bought a bottle at Walmart, the Spring Valley brand which is 40 mg/tablet for $5.83. I will be taking 80 mg on CD 3-7. I figure there is no harm in trying and I've read so many success stories, so it's worth a shot.

Here are some links I found to be useful:

http://www.twoweekwait.com/newsletter/2006-01/#1

http://www.soulcysters.net/thinking-clomid-give-soy-try-cd-5-9-a-7981/

http://www.soulcysters.net/those-us-using-soy-150291/

Please note: Do not take soy isoflavones without first consulting your physician.

How to be supportive to loved ones facing infertility

2009-08-03T11:13:00.009-04:00

Infertility affects about 15% of the population, so chances are you're off the hook. But if you're one of that lucky minority, most family and friends are at a loss at how to react. We realize everyone means well, but good intentions often aren't perceived that way, especially with such a highly emotional issue. I won't speak for all people facing infertility, as it is hardly an objective experience, but my feelings echo most that I encounter in infertility forums that I frequent.

What not to say: Relax, you're trying too hard

Why: This statement is so incredibly dismissive and one of the most common you hear. Most infertility is caused by bonafide medical reasons, none of which are cured by relaxing. In my case, I had surgery on my pituitary gland twice, which damaged healthy pituitary tissue. I could spend a month on vacation on a secluded island, spending half the day being pampered in a spa... it will not cause spontaneous regeneration of my pituitary gland, thus restoring my fertility. While stress can be a factor, its effects are usually transient and usually not a cause of infertility. Realize that many infertile couples are treated medically and surgically for good reason, not sent on holiday.

What not to say: You're still young, look at (fill-in-the-blank-celebrity). She had twins at 50!

Why: What the gossip rags aren't telling you is that these celebrities are not using their own eggs. Now, that might not make a difference to some, but most people want that genetic link. If a woman desires to use her own eggs and comes to a fertility clinic at age 40+, her chances of conceiving with IVF is only 10%. The rate goes up comparably with that of a younger woman if she uses donor eggs, but that is simply not an option for some. Personally, I have this policy that if it doesn't involve my eggs, my husband's sperm, and my uterus, then it doesn't happen at all for us. Which brings me to...

What not to say: Hire a surrogate or... I'll carry the baby for you!

Why: Again, not an option many will take and even if it is, it's a very complex (and very expensive) situation. There are 2 types of surrogates, traditional and gestational. In traditional surrogacy, the woman is the biological mother of the child. In gestational surrogacy, the woman is not genetically related to the child. Here's a blog about a child born of traditional surrogacy. It will make you think twice about suggesting a surrogate so flippantly. Besides that, most women want to carry their own babies.

What not to say: You can have one of mine!

Why: Not even remotely funny. I want my own thankyouverymuch.

What not to say: It will happen in God's perfect timing

Why: So the baby born to the 13 year old rape victim was? Sometimes, instead of trying to rationalize infertility by invoking a deity's will, just accept it (like we have) for what it is.

What not to say: You'll appreciate your child so much more because it took so long to conceive.

Why: So... we would have abused or neglected our child if it happened on the first try? So that means YOU Fertile Myrtle, take YOUR kids for granted? Doesn't make sense, now does it?

What not to say: I know how you feel, after 3 months of negative pregnancy tests, we were so bummed, but then it just happened!

Why: Yeah... you are so NOT a member of the club. Try at least a year, along with having to lose any modicum of modesty for both men and women, invasive procedures, frequent internal (yes, internal) ultrasounds, frequent blood draws, medications that make you crazy, I could go on ad nauseum. As much as you would like to empathize, even commiserate, unless you have been where we have been, in all the agonizing detail... don't dare to compare. You will lose.

What not to say: You can always just adopt.

Why: There are just so many things wrong with that statement. There is no "just" when it comes to adoption. When it comes to the prospective adoptive parents, it can be very expensive, time consuming and comes with no guarantees. For the adoptees, the ramifications can be astounding for many. Both domestic and international adoption are unfortunately big business, rife with rampant corruption. And adoption from foster care is not for everyone. Those children have been abused and/or neglected and a court has terminated their parents' rights. They deserve more than just to be a quick fix to infertility. Adoption and infertility should not, but often do, go hand in hand. More info here and here.

What not to say: Here, hold the baby!

Why: Some people who struggle with infertility surround themselves with other people's children and take comfort and enjoyment in it. But there are many of them that want nothing to do with babies and will go out of their way to avoid situations involving pregnant women, babies and children. When my sister-in-law gave birth to my nephew in May, going to see her in the hospital was the end of a 3 year hiatus from seeing any relatives' babies. I only went because I had to. It broke my heart to see my husband visibly upset on Father's Day as he saw his brother with his new son, who looks so much like my husband at times. Other people's babies don't always make us feel better or give us hope. It can have quite the opposite effect.

What not to say: It will happen, believe me.

Why: Really Miss Cleo? No one likes false assurance. It may be true that your cousin's husband's sister-in-law's niece's stepsister might have miraculously defied doctors who gave them one in a million odds of ever conceiving, but it's a fact, some people, despite years of treatments will never conceive. It sucks, but it is what it is.

In short, if you know someone struggling with infertility, for the love of God, please take this advice to heart. More than anything, just acknowledge the grief and loss that sometimes comes with infertility and listen. That's all.

Why the manufacturers of Reglan (metoclopramide) need to pay up

2009-07-19T17:57:00.005-04:00

You might have seen the notices in the papers or the ads on TV. It's a familiar sight. Personal injury law firms circling like vultures around pharmaceutical companies because some people might have adverse effects from a popular drug. It seems like another form of ambulance chasing, doesn't it?

I used to think so.

Reglan (metoclopramide) is a drug commonly used as an antiemetic, in patients with delayed gastric emptying, and far too often an all purpose panacea for all things gastrointestional. Most people usually only need a few doses. However, those with chronic GI problems, the drug has been prescribed for months, even years.

Therein lies the problem.

The manufacturers have failed to inform healthcare professionals and patients that the drug shouldn't be used for longer than 12 weeks. Well, actually, that was true until February of this year, when the FDA required that the drug carry a black box warning. This warning stated the risk of "tardive dyskinesia" in long term use or high doses.

Black box warnings seem like something we see in some newer drugs where not enough time has passed to see any long term implications of using the drug. What makes this particular black box warning especially frustrating is that the manufacturers knew of the risk of tardive dyskinesia with long term use OVER 20 YEARS AGO.

The first suit filed over Reglan and its adverse effects went to court in 1989. And it has hardly been a rare occurence. So why has it taken over 20 years for the manufacturers to inform the medical community and patients of this risk? The drug's patent was protected until 1982. This means the original manufacturer no longer had a proprietary interest in it because other pharmaceutical companies could make a cheaper, generic version of the drug.

Whatever the reason, these 20 years of knowing, yet not informing the public of the drug's potential risks has been devastating to some patients.

Tardive dyskinesia is a disorder in which the patient experiences repetitive, involuntary movements like grimacing, tongue protrusion, lip smacking, puckering and pursing of the lips, and rapid eye blinking. Rapid movements of the extremities may also occur. Impaired movements of the fingers may also appear.

TD is usually seen as a consequence of long term use of antipsychotic drugs and neuroleptic drugs such as antiseizure medications. And now we know, Reglan. The difference is that many doctors who are presented with a patient exhibiting TD can usually figure out the culprit right away. TD caused by Reglan is often being diagnosed as a Parkison type disorder and consequently, is not treated properly. This results in continued use of the Reglan which results in symptoms that worsen with time which results in continued misdiagnosis and treament, making it a vicious cycle.

If the Reglan is discontinued soon after symptoms appear, recovery from TD is good. Unfortunately, if it is not, the TD can be permanent and often worsens even after the drug is stopped.

This is exactly what has happened to my mother. She had been on Reglan since 2002 after surgery for stomach cancer. Because of the lack of warnings, when she displayed TD symptoms, Reglan as the cause was missed. She continued the drug for over a year after her symptoms started. By the time these black box warnings were brought to the forefront, it was too late for her. She will likely never recover from TD.

Here is a video showing some patients with TD. As you can see, TD isn't just a disorder of annoying tics, it's something that can be and is debilitating for some. My mother and countless others like her are victims of neglect by the manufacturers of the drug. And because of this, they should pay up.

Danny's Top 5 Motorcycles

2009-07-19T17:52:00.003-04:00

5. Honda RC51

4. BMW K1000R

3. Kawasaki Ninja 250R

2. Ducati 1098

1. Suzuki GSXR 1000

Danny's Top 10 Dream Cars

2009-07-19T17:15:00.017-04:00

10. Nissan GT-R R34

9. Bentley Arnage

8. Mercedes McLaren

7. Porsche 911

6. Lotus Exige

5. Jaguar XJ 220

4. Phantom Rolls Royce

3. Lamborghini Murcielago

2. Bugati Veyron

1. Enzo Ferrari

Searching for the other half of me

2009-07-18T21:36:00.002-04:00

One endeavor that I've recently embarked on is the search for my biological father. I started looking when I was in my early 20s and only half heartedly at that. Now that I am 35 and trying to start my own family, finding him has taken on a new sense of urgency. If he is still alive, he would have turned 70 years old on July 13. The greater fear to me is not rejection (although it rates a very close second) but is that I will hit a literal dead end. I just have this feeling that I'm running out of time.

Danny (my husband) and I have talked about my searching. At first he didn't give it much thought other than maybe I should consider all the consequences of my search. Like the fact that his family might not know about me and how that would affect his relationships with his wife, children, or other family members. I've considered this too and in the past, it had kept searching in earnest at bay for me.

Now that I'm older, this is what I think about it.

Why should I continually deny myself of what is rightfully mine to know just so I won't expose someone's "dirty little secret"? Don't I have the right to know my father and my brothers and sisters and extended family? I think I do. And so do my future children.

For too long I've lived with this missing piece in my heart. Over the years I thought that finding my soulmate would fill that ache. As wonderful as Danny is, it hasn't. I used to think children would do it. Granted, I don't have children yet, but I somehow just know that they won't either.

The reason that no one else will fill that hole for me is because he is half of what makes me whole. My mother alone cannot bridge that gap.

So in my quest to find that missing piece, I'm throwing myself in headfirst into this search. I'm not sure what expectations to have. I'm excited about the prospect and at the same time, terrified beyond belief.

Wish me luck on my journey.